Where did the time go? I can hardly believe that Sage will be turning 1 on Monday.
I took the day off so that I could have a special Mommy-Sagey-Daddy day with her. It makes me wistful to know that I’ve been back at work full time for the past 7 months, to know that she changes every single day, to know that every morning when I leave she whines and cries for me a little before she moves on to playing with Matt.
These months of working and mothering have been hard, every day is a matter of finding the balance point between good employee and good mother. If she’s sick, do I stay home because she takes ultimate comfort from me? Or do I let Matt handle it so that I can work? Do I push a data heavy project to the next week and come home early? Or do I spend those precious couple of hours with Sage…
For the most part, I think that I have achieved a good balance. Some days I feel like a bad employee, I worry about coworkers thinking that I’m a slacker. Other days I feel like Super Mom, my to do list is full of check marks and I’m home at 4:30 to play and run around with Sage, my cape flapping behind me.
The house is also showing evidence of the balance. Sage can toddle around now while I tidy up. Pieces of life have fallen into place, whereas when I first went back to work my life was in constant upheaval. Lack of sleep, lack of attention, lack of me time, lack of Matt time.
And toddle she does. It’s amazing to see the constant decision making and balance correcting manifest in her facial expression and jerky maneuvers. Her brows furrowed and lip jutted out, she explores the world with outstretched hands and wide, bright eyes.
I was surprised that she began walking before she turned 1, Matt and I can’t help but think she is a little genius. It’s hard not to since she is absorbing information and details about the world around her with every glance. Absorption turns into smiles, babbling almost words, waving bye-bye, clapping when she hears “Yay!” or “Good job!,” and squealing when she hears the dog’s name.
I can’t even grasp what the next year or even couple of months will bring (ok maybe I do, I think she has already started some tantruming), I will just dwell on how lucky Matt and I are to have this squealing, squishy, giggling, beautiful little girl in our lives.
I love you, Sage.